Should a woman play hard to get

Added: Ladarius Ramos - Date: 30.09.2021 13:51 - Views: 48610 - Clicks: 3394

Subscriber active since. You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It's a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms. If you're looking to attract men, this course of action is considered particularly effective.

But if scientific research is anything to go by, it's nonsense.

Should a woman play hard to get

In the s, a series of studies led by American psychologist Elaine Hatfield looked into whether playing hard to get really works. Social psychologist Viren Swami highlights the findings in a blog post for Refinery In one study, male participants were told to phone up a woman who had been selected with a dating service and ask her out. Half the time, the woman would be busy and dismissive until finally accepting, and the other half of the time she would enthusiastically accept the invitation.

The men didn't seem to prefer the women who had less free time. In fact, there was no evidence at all that playing hard to get made them more desirable. Of course, this was the result under experimental conditions.

Should a woman play hard to get

When a man decides to go after a woman who is rebuffing his advances, it may be more nuanced than the fact they like her unavailability. For example, they may have lusted after the same person for years regardless of their interest, or they may enjoy the thrill of the chase. In some cases, according to biologist and journalist Mairi Macleod, Should a woman play hard to get it too cool can mean you attract the wrong kind of people. Erika Ettin, a dating coach and founder of dating site A Little Nudge told Business Insider that it's never a good idea to hide your feelings from a new date or partner.

If you're busy and can't meet up with someone, that's one thing, but playing with someone's feelings because you think it will give you the upper hand is a waste of time. Sure — to some people, both the people who only appreciate the thrill of the chase and the people who are a bit insecure already, so being aloof feeds on that insecurity," she said.

Playing hard to get could also mean you attract people who have an avoidant attachment style. These are people who act very self-sufficient, and only enjoy closeness on their own terms. They like to keep intimacy at bay, and only pursue people who seem disinterested. It sounds counter-intuitive, as you'd imagine most people would find comfort in a secure relationship.

But for some, the insecurity of not really knowing where a relationship is going feels familiar, and humans are creatures of habit. If they start dating someone who seems secure in what they want, and is clear about pursuing an intimate, exclusive relationship, it feels unfamiliar and they will bail. So they go after people who don't give them any security, which rarely works out in their favour.

Should a woman play hard to get

If someone is playing hard to get with you, Ettin says this could be a they are playing games. Also, there's a difference between liking someone and wanting them. This could explain why playing hard to get doesn't necessarily work. The " norm of reciprocity " is a sociological term that means we tend to like people who like us, and dislike those who don't. It's a simple idea, but if it's true, it could mean that playing hard to get could make people think we don't like them, leading them to dislike us in return.

But humans have a thing about winning. So even though someone may not like you that much, they may want to still prove they can have you, because they've been chasing you for so long.

Should a woman play hard to get

In these cases, by playing hard to get, you could be fuelling someone's desire to win. As soon as they "get" you, they'll soon realise they didn't like you that much to begin with, and you're back where you started.

Hatfield, the American psychologist who conducted the s dating experiments, looked into what a better method of attracting someone could be, for those of us who can't get the balance right with showing interest. In a final experimentresearchers told men they had matched with five women's profiles, all fake for the purpose of the experiment, who had attended a session where they had filled out forms about what they thought of the men they'd matched with.

The men were shown the fake women's answers. One woman gave all her matches low ratings, one rated them all highly, and a third was selective, rating all the other men poorly except the test subject who was given a very good score. The men then had to rate the women in return, and the consensus was the woman who rated them Should a woman play hard to get but everyone else poorly was the most desirable.

So it looks like the answer is to be selective, but not excessively. You're not dismissing every option that comes your way, but you're not giving everyone a chance either. By doing this, you make whoever you do go for feel special, because you obviously have standards. But that doesn't mean being so distant that it gets mistaken for the cold-shoulder. On the other hand, if you find someone being unresponsive, Ettin said you shouldn't assume they are playing it cool with you. Instead, you should take it for what it is — a lack of proper communication, or simple rudeness.

Don't bother chasing them, because if they really liked you in the first place, they'll stop with the games and come back to you. For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation.

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Should a woman play hard to get

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Should a woman play hard to get

US Markets Loading H M S In the news. Lindsay Dodgson. Many people believe playing hard to get will make someone interested in them. In fact, there is no evidence to suggest this is true. Instead of making you seem appealing, it can make people like you less. Rather than being disinterested, you should be selective. Stay up to date with what you want to know.

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Should a woman play hard to get

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Should a woman play hard to get

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Dating Games: Playing ‘Hard To Get’ Really Works, Study Confirms